Your Body's Calling for Me

Remember the 90's and R. Kelly's song Your Body's Calling for Me? Well, over the past few weeks, I have desired more and quite frankly, I deserve more. So what does R. Kelly have to do with this? That was my thought when the song popped into my head as I started writing this blog. You see, one of the experiences that I am creating as part of embracing my womanhood is to release....dare I say the number....65 pounds. (Whew, it's out.) This has been a challenge for me because food has been my temptation. Calling me, calling my body what seems like every minute of the day.

So how did I get to this place in my life where I was covering, hiding from who I am. I could attribute my weight gain to several things, the most common and easiest being baby fat. However, given that my children are 10 and 6, I wouldn’t be honest in making that statement. Dare I say stress from working full time, raising two children, going to school and getting my master’s degree. I could. But let’s get real. Because it’s not until I get honest that I can move forward. My weight gain is the result of not appreciating who I am. Not honoring my body as the temple of God that it is. Not loving myself. (hmmmm….a reflection of my relationships; however, that is another blog for another time.)

My desire for food was greater than my desire for self. I used food to “manage” stress, to hide and avoid feeling the feelings that came up for me and to escape the day to day responsibilities of being a mother and a working woman. Even after reaching the 200 pound mark and experiencing chest pains, I was still suppressing my true desires. This was because there was something deeper going on. I realized that I was carrying around a lot of guilt and shame. Guilt for the failed relationships I created. Guilt for bringing two children into this world without thinking of the responsibilities of being a single mother. Being ashamed of who God created me to be.

Well no more. As I release the guilt/shame, I realized that I have a pretty active imagination. So much so that it created all this “stuff” that I carry around in the form of weight. So yes, my body may call out for a Big Mac and fry; however, my spirit if calling for something higher.