Off The Wall

"It’s time to come alive and party on right through the night…

Life ain’t so bad at all, if you live it off the wall."

– Michael Jackson

Today begins my journey. My journey into what? Glad you asked. Today begins my journey into womanhood. WHAT!!! Yes, that was my first reaction also when this was told to me. Of course I am a woman, what else could I be? Yet, at the age of 36, two children, and a successful career, I have accepted the realization that I am not a woman. Until today, I was not confident. Until today, I was not trusting of myself. Until today, I was not my own priority. Until today. I could continue the list of was nots; however, this would make me depressed and especially when I know that this is not my truth. My truth…I AM a confident, loving, caring, disciplined, sexy, trusting, open, vulnerable, elegant woman. (And this is just the appetizer part of the menu.)

All of who I am was simply hidden by my fear. Fear of living MY life. It’s like when I use to go to the night clubs while in college. As soon as I walked in, I located my spot on the wall and stayed there for majority of the night. Occasionally some mysterious force would push me off the wall into the middle of the dance floor where I actually found myself enjoying myself. But then insecurity and doubt set in and before I knew it, I was safe and secure back on the wall. It was much easier and more comfortable for me to live my life on the wall, to stay in my shell and hide myself from the world. To hide myself from myself. Now talk about insanity. I was the dog running around in a circle chasing my tail thinking I could catch it. NOT.

I sometimes put my need to make others happy before making myself happy, my expectations of how I thought I was to live my life, and my concerns of what others might think of my actions or how they may perceive me aside and let the other side of me, my authentic self, out to dance. But as habit would have it, I let insecurity, guilt, doubt, and shame take over; bringing me back to the wall.

Well, my soul has finally had enough. I have finally had enough. I am choosing to live my life “Off the Wall”. What does living “Off the Wall” mean for me? Living off the wall is standing for the first time in my adult life as a woman. Confidently using my voice and standing in my power as a woman. Expressing my inner and outward beauty. Taking care of and loving myself. Honoring and appreciating my body as a temple of God. Being open and honest about who I really am. Creating a spiritual foundation that supports me. Creating and enjoying experiences that will allow me to experience freedom. Let me say that again, F-R-E-E-D-O-M. Freedom to live MY authentic life mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

See you on the dance floor!!!