The Evolution of Change Requires Self Forgiveness

I started not to post this after seeing a vlog about guarding your goals. The creator of the vlog spoke of letting your goals manifest themselves versus continually talking about them and nothing ever happening. Then I realized that this post isn't about me sharing my goals as it is about sharing me, my authentic self. As I embark on my second year of transforming into a Liberated Woman, I am creating a space that supports me in being authentic. Showing the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Sideline: Of course, anything is only good, bad, or ugly because I see it as such.)

As mentioned in my last blog, I created a website, My Sister's Corner. The launch was great and very well received. And as I sit with the accomplishment of the first milestone, I sit with the awareness that I held back. (take a breathe). Yep, I held back. I was to worried about coming out of the gate with a loud and powerful voice. A voice that I thought would create controversy as my views are not always in alignment with social views and commentary. A voice that is loving, compassionate and challenges one to go deeper, to push beyond the limitations that the mind imposes. So with this awareness, I ask your forgiveness. Forgive me for not giving you the best that I have to offer. Forgive me for not being present to myself so that I am present to my gifts and most importantly to you.

This morning, I came across a quote by Kim Whitley, "Quiet women don't make history". Today I make history.

The Mirror of Inspiration

I have come to learn that everyone I encounter, and even those that I do not, are a reflection of some aspect of me. I recently launched a website in support of women (www.mysisterscorner.com). Through unification, healing and love, women are supported in creating new beginnings and new opportunities in the present moment. As I come into contact with women, I continue to be amazed at the diverse gifts and talents that each possesses. So holding these beautiful women as my reflection is nothing short of breathtaking.

You see, I only see in these dynamic women what I see because I first see it in me. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. How else could I see it in them? So with this, I honor the women across the Universe for standing in their womanhood and continuing to reflect the greatness that they are, that I am, that the Universe is. Thank you for expressing your beauty, your gifts, and your talents. Thank you for your presence.

Create a blessed one.

LaJaniese

Xpressive Living

As I sit here on this Independence day, I ask myself the question, "When am I going to set myself free?" When am I going to release the self-defeating talk, that inner critic that continues to judge my every thought, action, behavior? When am I going to stand as and in my authentic self and live the life that I have called myself to live? I am reminded of the statement, "If not now, then when?; If not you, then who?" So yes, why not now and why not me? It is this calling that has birthed Xpressive Living - being free from the prison I created and locked myself in and living my vision resulting in an empowered life.

So on this day, I boldly declare that which I desire to create in my life. During my first year of transforming into a liberated (free) woman, I created a scrapbook that represented all aspects of who I am. One of the bi-products was the creation of a bio of where I see myself over the next 5 to 10 years. Life is about becoming who I really am. With this in mind, I am including my bio here as bold declaration to the Universe, to God, here are my desires, now lets co-create together!!!

Woman – Diva - Goddess are all synonymous with the Rev. Dr. LaJaniese Shanelle Washington, CPA. This divine goddess, as she affectionately refers to herself as, is a 5 time New York Times bestselling author of One Way to Create Loving Relationships: Start with Self; The W.O.W. Factor; Held Down, Tied Down, Pushed Down: 7 Keys to Eliminating Self Defeating Limitations; The Destiny of Your Thoughts - Creating An Authentic Life; and Surrender - The Sweetest Seduction. She is also the founder and director of CM Academy, an educational facility located in Washington, DC; and co-founder of Creations.org®, a not-for-profit organization for women, which provides personal and group coaching services in areas of relationships and finances and supports women in creating and executing their plan to pursue their educational and professional pursuits. She also provides personal coaching and mediation services under her own business, Xpressive Living ®.

She attributes her success to living a life of freedom and excellence while creating balance. Balance is the key factor, as this phenomenal woman wears a multitude of hats the most important to her being a devoted and loving wife and mother of her two children; all of whose lives parallel hers in their own respects.

LaJaniese has always aspired to achieve greatness. Her modeling, dancing, and acting endeavors ignited her passion to devote her life to service. At a young age, she volunteered in various organizations providing tutoring services to youth while also serving as a mentor. The Reverend is selfless for selfish reasons. “I enjoy giving to others, what God has so graciously given to me. How could I not do what I do?”

She currently resides in the Washington, DC area and also has residency in Seattle, Washington. To connect with LaJaniese, you may visit www.xpressiveliving.com.

Live life passionately and boldly people. Enjoy your Independence Day.

The Sweetest Seduction

Seduction tends to have a sexual connotation to it. One of the meanings, according to Merrian-Webster’s dictionary, is the enticement of a person to sexual intercourse. The other definition, which I find to be more appropriate for this posting, is something that attracts or charms.

There are times in my life, where I image being seduced by the man of my dreams. When the one I love just comes in one day and sweeps me off of my feet after a hard day of work and simply has his way. And in that moment, I am trusting and loving enough to say, your will is my will, take me. (Hey, you have to envision that which you desire.) Well what if the man was God? Sound a bit crazy? I thought so when the thought first came to me. God and seduction in the same sentence? Really? Yes. It’s true. God desires to seduce me. God desires to attract me to Him for the purpose of creating a relationship and re-discovering the truth of who I am.

My experience with seduction is that it requires the person being seduced to surrender. And not partial surrender because partial surrender is an indication that resistance is present. And it is difficult to enjoy anything when resistance is present. This would explain why I have been frustrated with the process of creating a relationship with God. Surrender. Allowing myself to surrender to the point where I am trusting and loving God enough to say, your will is my will.

So what’s next. How do I get to this place of complete surrender? The answer. Allow myself to simply be. To love and trust myself completely, knowing that all is well. Knowing that God desires no harm to me. Knowing that He only wants to attract me closer to Him.

Surrender….yes, it is the sweetest seduction.

The Choice of Love

"Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. The world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world."

— Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles 

How you doing (in my Wendy Williams voice). Yes, it’s been a minute since I have written. So what have I been doing? Well, I’ve been spending time sorting out this thing called relationships. In particular, looking to create a relationship before I created one with the one that matters most, myself. Go figure. Now, I know that most of you probably already know that to be in relationship with another, you first have to be that which you seek. And yes, I knew this too. However, it was easier for me to seek validation externally versus pumping myself up. I was so afraid to see and be myself that I denied myself the greatest gift of all, Love. I had what I call the yo-yo or revolving door syndrome. I would attract amazing people into my life. People who saw the real me, an amazing woman. Yet, I rejected them because I didn’t think I measured up. Now based on the law of attraction, I know that that is not my real truth because I can’t attract something that I am not.

Out of a commitment to honor myself and stand as a woman, I am now on the path of spending time with me, putting me first. Not being afraid of the beautiful, sensual, powerful, radiant, wise woman that God created me to be. Oh, did I mention brilliant? (Hey, if you don’t toot your own horn, who will?). I am now on the path of getting to know myself….what I like, what I don’t like, what is my life’s vision/purpose, how do I desire to experience my relationships. And this is all of my relationships, not simply the one I desire to create for marriage purposes.

Tonight I had the wonderful opportunity to stand in choice. A choice to give unconditional love. Let me tell you, standing in choice is completely different when done from the place of no expectations, no fear, and no resistance. To be able to love someone that I just met. To love someone without expecting them to love me back or love me first. To love someone and see them intimately, looking in their eyes and seeing their soul which is only reflecting back to me who I am. Giving so much that I create this enormous space in my heart that is now capable of receiving love. Receiving my love.

This is the relationship that I desire and this is how I desire to experience my relationships. Loving myself so much that I have an abundance to share with others and giving so much love that I create the space to receive the abundance that is my love. (Give me a minute, got to breathe that in. Simply delicious!).

So here I am, creating a relationship with myself founded on intimacy (Into Me See). Seeing myself and being vulnerable so that others can see me. What kind of relationship are you creating and who are you first creating it with?

Unveiling the Gifts

I spend the majority of my time either at work or in my bedroom. One would think that if I am going to spend hours in a particular place, that it would be relaxing, peaceful, organized, and beautiful. It’s like being married. Marriage is a commitment and no one enjoys a mate that is difficult to be around, aren’t attracted to, or creates chaos. At least not me. Yet, in spite of this, my office and home surroundings reflect just this. When I walk into my office, feelings of overwhelm, chaos, restriction, ugliness are right there welcoming me in. I want to quickly turn around and run back home. But wait, the same exact thing is waiting for me there. Is there no place sacred, serene, and vibrant enough for me to relax in, to let my creative energies flow?

Within the caterpillar lies a beautiful butterfly. Likewise, amidst the abundance of papers, dust, and clothes that is contained between the two spaces, lies two very sacred and joyful spaces. So now the process begins. It is time for me to enter the cocoon and allow the transformation to take place. I must spin myself in the threads of discipline, commitment, love, vulnerability and acceptance and enter the darkness that I have manifested physically as clutter. And although it will be dark on the inside and resistance and fear may rise up within me, I know that God’s light is shining down on me, facilitating the transformation process in Her own way. And I know that once I push my way through and release the confusion that, until today, has served as my safety net, not only will two beautiful spaces emerge so will a beautiful and joyous woman.

As I release the clutter in my life, I am also dismantling the beliefs, the thoughts, the fear, the resistance, the habits….that created the clutter. And as a result, I open myself and receive the new blessings that are just knocking at the door, gently saying, “Beloved, please let us in”. So yes, I welcome with open arms this opportunity for divine healing. The opportunity to spread my wings, fly and re-introduce myself to the Universe.

Your Body's Calling for Me

Remember the 90's and R. Kelly's song Your Body's Calling for Me? Well, over the past few weeks, I have desired more and quite frankly, I deserve more. So what does R. Kelly have to do with this? That was my thought when the song popped into my head as I started writing this blog. You see, one of the experiences that I am creating as part of embracing my womanhood is to release....dare I say the number....65 pounds. (Whew, it's out.) This has been a challenge for me because food has been my temptation. Calling me, calling my body what seems like every minute of the day.

So how did I get to this place in my life where I was covering, hiding from who I am. I could attribute my weight gain to several things, the most common and easiest being baby fat. However, given that my children are 10 and 6, I wouldn’t be honest in making that statement. Dare I say stress from working full time, raising two children, going to school and getting my master’s degree. I could. But let’s get real. Because it’s not until I get honest that I can move forward. My weight gain is the result of not appreciating who I am. Not honoring my body as the temple of God that it is. Not loving myself. (hmmmm….a reflection of my relationships; however, that is another blog for another time.)

My desire for food was greater than my desire for self. I used food to “manage” stress, to hide and avoid feeling the feelings that came up for me and to escape the day to day responsibilities of being a mother and a working woman. Even after reaching the 200 pound mark and experiencing chest pains, I was still suppressing my true desires. This was because there was something deeper going on. I realized that I was carrying around a lot of guilt and shame. Guilt for the failed relationships I created. Guilt for bringing two children into this world without thinking of the responsibilities of being a single mother. Being ashamed of who God created me to be.

Well no more. As I release the guilt/shame, I realized that I have a pretty active imagination. So much so that it created all this “stuff” that I carry around in the form of weight. So yes, my body may call out for a Big Mac and fry; however, my spirit if calling for something higher.